The definitive Ruby G on Wasps, Josh, Jerseys and a possible Jason comeback....

Hurrah! The fallow period is finally over, and here we are…the beginning of a shiny new season! And let me tell you after the weekend I’ve just had, it feels like the end of the season - not the start. The word ‘exhaustion’ does not begin to describe the way I feel, but I suppose I could look at it this way…it’s only nine months until I can take a well earned rest!

Now, where shall I begin? I know - rugby jerseys - or not as the case may have been! Coral.co.uk is an online betting company. You’ve probably noticed Coral wherever you live since they own the Gala Bingo halls, and 31 casinos, and some 1,500 retail trading outlets across the UK. But you may have failed to notice their entry into rugby at the Middlesex 7s this year as title sponsors, since the players’ shirts weren’t ready. The shirts are quite poignant when it comes to Coral - you may have noticed rather colourful number patches on the back of every premiership shirt - and herein lies the problem. You almost didn’t. The fact that the shirts weren’t ready in time for the Middlesex Sevens from a branding awareness point of view was slightly unfortunate for the new sponsors since they did lose out on the brand exposure on Sky, but rather more of a concern was the week running up to start of the Guinness Premiership 2006/7 - there were still no shirts. At the press launch of the Guinness Premiership at Diageo Global HQ in West London, nine days before kick off, there were by now 12 premiership shirts with the Coral branding on the back - but these were the only 12 in existence - one for each captain.

Now I’m sure the deal that has been struck between the Middlesex 7s peeps, and now also the Guinness Premiership and Premier Rugby peeps and Gala Coral peeps involves rather large sums of money with many zeros tacked onto the end, but more than one head must have rolled in a certain Gala Coral marketing department, who one assumes has responsibility for the image of the company and the branding; the problem went something like this…pre-season - all premiership clubs order new shirts - Coral.co.uk become number sponsors so all new premiership shirts have to have new patches put on back of shirts in delightfully clashing colours to most of the kit - the patches have to be applied at a particularly high temperature in order for them to adhere to the shirts  - the same shirts that will be washed week in week out in industrial strength cleaning products as the season goes on - but the shirts are rugby shirts designed to withstand all manner of wear and tear including pulling, yanking, biting, ripping etc by big burly lads - heat resistance, however, is not a requirement, and consequently the shirts burn…and burn…then don’t exist anymore, and when you factor in that the 12 premiership clubs of course don’t share a shirt supplier, so Kooga, Canterbury, Cotton Traders and Kukri all had to step up to the mark…can you imagine the chaos! But wouldn’t it have been fun to have been a fly on the wall when that little fiasco was brought up in the gaming company’s boardroom?!

Then again, I don’t really believe it would have worried us too much if there were no shirts at all since we do love to get an eyeful of a strong masculine rippling torso now and again!

And talking of rippling torsos, I think its about time I strategically ousted that bloody journo, Preeti who is having far too much of a good time and being paid for the privilege too! She tootled off to Wasps again to interview a rugby legend or two for your delectation, and ended up having to hang around in the sunshine waiting for the boys to finish their training and get dressed before she could have her precious moments with them; the point being, that the hanging around involved being perched on the steps opposite the changing rooms - with the doors wide open so that they were ALL on full view to the world, and her in particular. Since the showers are not in the changing rooms, and the boys do have a tendency of wandering around dragging their towels behind them…oh you can just imagine the awful time she must have had trying not to letch over those beautiful bodies. When the statuesque Lawrence Dallaglio said to her standing with a towel wrapped around his waist “I’ll be with you in a minute, let me just put some clothes on”, she even had the cheek to reply “oh don’t bother on my account!” There has to be something very wrong in the world when the serious journalists of this world are having that much fun…I only get to hear about changing rooms antics, not see them in full glory! Maybe a change in career is something I need to think about?

However, I am very pleased to report that despite ‘the journo’ getting away from that press day unscathed this time, she did manage to embarrass herself yet again - this time at the Guinness Premiership Media Launch at Diageo. Whilst standing almost at the front by the podium amongst the British press, Sky cameras, BBC radio reporters, the Directors of Rugby and Captains from every club, the sponsors etc etc., and Mark McCafferty, CEO of Premier Rugby had just begun his address of not just the rugby afficionados of the our great nation, but also at least half the staff of Diageo who were watching from the balconies of every floor of their magnificent head quarters, she’d forgotten to switch her phone off, and it was on loud! I’m sure you can imagine the grin on my face whilst writing this, as well as the glee I experienced when I got a call from one of my press contacts who narrated the incident to me…especially when she couldn’t actually switch her phone off immediately because the keypad lock was on. Apparently her response was ‘f***!’ and since she’s not known to be the quietest person, there wasn’t a soul who didn’t hear her! Enough already Ruby! Put those claws away!!! [Divine retribution methinks for the almost naked Dallaglio!!!]

Now for a little premiership gossip. Of course all the clubs have by now had their annual squad photos taken and are displayed in their full glory in club houses and on websites throughout the nation. But there is a slight discrepancy in the London Wasps photo this season - if one carefully looks at the team photo (see below), there is a metaphoric huge gaping hole…a certain half-Welsh half-English World Cup-winning winger and Member of the British Empire is not in the photo at all. An insider at London Wasps let it slip that Josh Lewsey was having a particularly bad day, and “couldn’t be bothered” to stay for the photoshoot.The result was an incomplete team photo [which probably explains why you can’t make out one player from the next on the website], and some extremely colourful language to describe him from his fellow team mates, most of which I couldn’t possibly repeat here, but suffice to say his captain called him something terribly close to an investment banker, and another player commented to Phil Vickery “he thinks he’s bigger than the team!”

Well, temper temper Joshy boy - was it the time of the month? One really must learn to not throw one’s toys out of one’s perambulator in such haste! What would they think at Sandhurst?

Photograph Dan Wooller 

©Action Images PLC

And wait…there’s more where that came from, but thankfully of a much more positive note. The quiet but sexy Jason Robinson, captain of Sales Sharks and retired England skipper recently hinted that if the powers that be at the RFU approached him, he might just consider a return to the England fold. Last season he captained his side to a scintillating Premiership final at Twickenham where the Sharks all but destroyed the mighty Leicester Tigers, and he’s been resting this summer and consequently is in super form. It could make for a very interesting England squad if the old boys keep coming back! Lastly my darlings, I shall leave you with an amusing titbit; a particularly gorgeous London Irish player was asked in an RFTG interview “what is your ultimate fantasy?” His answer was a rather coy “to be in a hut on stilts on a beach, with champagne, and a threesome with Nicole [of the Pussycat Dolls] and my girlfriend”. Hmmmm…saucy!

 And on that note my lovelies, Ciao Ciao until we meet again… xxRubyxx