Fortunately there weren't any swine-like creatures seen jetting over the hallowed ground of Twickenham in either February or March despite the boys in white winning their first two home games...though against Scotland, England were not even remotely convincing, and Jonny didn't even come close to scoring that converted try 20 minutes from time... Italy did give England a run for their money the following week though the 20-7 score did not reflect this.
In my defence though, Ashton had previously set the record whilst the national coach for Ireland for the little leprechauns suffering the worst ever defeat to England under his tutelage, and the reverse has proved true for England under Ashton too, whereby in week 3 of the tournament, we suffered the greatest ever defeat to Ireland in history. So my radar is not completely off kilter!
But with almost wholesale changes in the penultimate week of the 2007 Six Nations tournament, England came good against France beating them 26-18, and proved they still have what it takes. And this too without a Wilkinson in sight. This was by no means a mediocre win, and Catty was a formidable leader - what England has been crying out for since his holiness, Martin Johnson retired!
Now to different pastures, and let me start by sharpening my exquisitely manicured talons...last summer, our roving reporter, Preeti Virdee spent quite a time extracting the michael from well respected male journalists of a certain age whilst relating to me her first experience of a Premiership press conference at London Wasps; the michael referred to their inadequate Clarksonesque dress sense which predominantly consisted of brown shoes and brown suede jackets over jeans; well, I managed to get my hands on the RFTG photos from the Scotland vs Ireland game last weekend, and look what I found! Now is that a brown suede jacket I espy? And to add to my glee, I have it on very good authority that the matching shoes just happened to be brown too! Pot...kettle...black springs to mind in no particular order don't you think? Well something has got to make up for her spending so much time in such close proximity to guys like these during press conferences...
Well now I'm on a roll, let's not stop here...I-shave-my-legs-and-have-poncey-spiky-hair-and-spend-more-time-in-front-of-a-mirror-than-a-wag Mr Fake Tan himself, Gavin Henson has proved he is not entirely useless; just because Wales coach Gareth Jenkins allegedly wanted to bring the 25 year old Welshman down a peg or two by leaving him out of the starting line-up [before he ended up being ruled out through a strained posterior cruciate ligament], he has managed to perform his duties as a family man and boyfriend by getting the riotous voice of an angel, Charlotte Church, pregnant. It's a shame for Wales that he can't use his prowess to aid the Grand Slam winning team of just two years ago to avert the disaster of winning the wooden spoon!
Lastly for you today I bring you yet another celebrity rugby star in the form of Kyran Bracken. This sprightly 35 year old lawyer who was in fact born in Dublin, was not deemed good enough to play for Ireland, so signed up for Bristol Rugby, and in 1996 joined Saracens where he would end his professional rugby career with 51 international caps for England. Oh yes, I knew there was something else...he just happened to be part of the 2003 World Cup squad, and celebrated his 32nd birthday on November 22nd of that year with his team becoming World Champions! So what does a chap do when he retires from professional rugby? Well he couldn't captain A Question of Sport since Matty Dawson already pinched that job, and Celebrity Masterchef was out of the question since Matty had done and won that too. But the obvious option was a celebrity talent show...so, a dance show would be apt, especially since hearing the reports of his tripping the light fantastic at Kickers nightclub in Bristol [as seen by a close friend of mine who happened to be at uni at the same time]. But guess what - Matty's been there and bought the t-shirt already for Stricly Come Dancing too!
Now despite Kyran having the lowest centre of gravity of anyone grown man on the planet with his teenie weenie little legs, he has shocked the nation by proving that white men can dance...well skate anyway - though does body-popping constitute dancing??? The final of ITV's Dancing On Ice is on Saturday early evening, and our own Mr Bracken is odds on favourite to take the crown, against Blue's Duncan James [he looks like a bit of a woos to me] and actress Clare Buckfield [too Sandra Dee for my liking]. I know, I know, the silly show clashes with the far more important Wales vs England clash [KO 5.30pm] - someone in scheduling made a balls-up there then! But all you need to remember is 63335 - the text number you need to send 'KYRAN' to for him to win. And in fact, by the time the voting lines open at 7.50pm, we shall all be celebrating the end of the Six Nations and Paddy's Day in style in some den of iniquity. You only have one hour to vote, then the final skate off is at 8.50 - which no doubt will be between Kyran and Duncan.
And why am I encouraging you to spend your hard-earned cash to swell the coffers of ITV? It's because part of the money is being given to our very own rugby charity for disabled and disadvantaged children, Wooden Spoon - the charity of England, Ireland, Scotland & Wales...so no matter what your rugby persuasion, set an alarm on your mobile to text 63335 at around 8pm, and let's have Kyran [Spoon Honorary President for London] and the kids of our home nations win!
Oh my God! Did I just have a sentimental turn just then? Well enough of that nonsense! I obviously need to go and lie down in a darkened room for a while...so I shall. And will return with sharpened claws very soon my beauties...
