The Beginner's Guide To Rugby In South Africa...
NIKI MOORE, Journalist

Anyone who visits South Africa for any length of time and does not take in a rugby game is doing themselves a grave injustice. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to be in the vicinity of a major match in a nearby stadium during your visit.

The second-best option is to find a large open-air public event on a Saturday afternoon and join the throng at the beer-tent, there the large-screen TV will be broadcasting the game, at the expense of all other activities on that day.  First prize is if the match is an international, and the gold award goes to a match between the grudge-rivals of New Zealand and South Africa.  The casual visitor will soon see that this is a fascinating anthropological exercise.

I suspect that the reason why rugby is so popular in South Africa is because it is tailor-made for the national physiognomy. Rugby players are, by definition, large chaps.  South African boys, especially those who grow up on farms, tend to be built on the lines of ocean-going cargo vessels.  These same boys are also brought up to understand the peculiar mixture of mayhem and manners that characterise a rugby game.  South Africans were simply born and bred to play rugby. 

A rugby match, therefore, comprises two teams of 15 men, each seven feet tall, with boots like violin cases.  As far as the niceties of the game itself, I leave that to a far more perspicacious observer than myself, the immortal PG Wodehouse:  “I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end, and that, in order to squelch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow-man which, if done elsewhere, would result in fourteen days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench.”*

To this casual visitor, the various moves in the game might be confusing, variously bearing a resemblance to two trains colliding; speeded-up continental drift (in the scrum); or an outing by two warring tribes.  But despite the random nature of the violence, this is actually quite a sophisticated game and requires lots of skill (and those good manners).  Certain rugby players have attained legendary status – if you use the name ‘Joel Stransky’ in the same sentence as ‘drop-kick’, you will cause grown men to weep into their beer.

Unfortunately for female spectators, though, rugby players are not chosen for their looks.  This is the only drawback I can think of for this game.  Whether you understand the moves or not, watching top class rugby is a thrilling experience – and if you are in a crowd you will know exactly what goes on by how excited the spectators become.

Personally, I get completely choked up over international rugby:  from the moment the national anthems play to the final whistle, the whole country is united behind their team.  Possibly our finest moment was when South Africa won the World Cup in 1995 in a finish that had the sports-writers dusting off all their clichés.

I was on a trip in Zimbabwe at the time and watched the game on a dusty open-air TV on the banks of Lake Kariba.  After the game the entire country came out of their homes to celebrate in the streets.  I asked one Zimbabwean:  “Why are you celebrating when it is a South African victory?” 

And his reply was:  “We are all Africans and you have won it for all of us.”

And that says it all.