Matt Stevens... from a different angle.....

…but this week we see him in a shiny sparkly new light!

Bath, British Lion and England’s very own Matt Stevens is trying to prove to the nation that he really does have the X-Factor, and not just as a world class prop. But far scarier than that, he is trying to impress the legendary harshest man in pop - Simon Cowell. Thankfully, Matt’s being mentored by the darling Sharon Osbourne [and Sweetie just in case you do pop in for a read…the new hair looks fabulous darling! Such an improvement on the electrocuted-shock look last time round!!!] And we all at RFTG have our fingers crossed that its 3^rd time lucky for her…both Simon and Louis Walsh have each won X-Factor with their protégés.

Matt is up against the likes of ex-Corrie star, Nikki Sanderson [lovely voice and lovely girl] and Michelle Marsh [who?!?!?!] in his category of 16-24, but his real competition comes from Simon Cowell’s Group entry - the Chefs, which feature the delectable menu of Jean-Christophe Novelli, Ross Burden and Paul Rankin [oh, and little Aldo Zilli’s there too]; of course it’s completely irrelevant that they really cannot sing at all. On the flip side, Louis Walsh’s 25 & Over entry, DJ Chris Moyles may not look the suave and sultry type, but boy can he sing!

Of course there are other entrants…ex-Eastender, Lucy Benjamin [not bad at all even if a ‘little’ preggers], Channel 4’s poo doctor, Gillian McKeith [aaahhhh bless], and the eternally screeching duo who utterly destroyed Robert Palmer’s ‘Addicted To Love’, James Hewitt and Rebecca Loos [suppose they had to make up the numbers somehow!] But thankfully, in the case of Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee who were the first casualties of the show, forget not liking it a lot, the audience didn’t like it all!

But don’t fret my avid readers…Matt is not doing this at the expense of Queen and country! He has been out of action in the rugby-playing front for a couple of months now, and the surgery on his shoulder will mean he won’t be back on the pitch until next season.

So whilst enjoying all the entertainment, fun, frolics and banter, please don’t forget that there is a serious side to the competition, where 10p from every call made for Matt goes to his chosen charity, and young Mr Stevens has chosen the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund [she says whilst subtly avoiding the subject of Matt’s South African provenance!]

The show is going out live every night at 9pm on ITV until 5^th June [with The Xtra Factor on ITV2 at 10.30pm presented by the delicious Ben Shephard]. So make sure you don’t just tune in but keep our singing sensation in the competition until the final!

So all you need to know:

text ‘VOTE MATT’ to
83322
or
09011 32420X*

* check last digit during show

Now my lovelies, I promise to bring you a little update everyday!

Monday 29^th May

On his first outing, which aired on Bank Holiday Monday, Matt blew the judges away with the classic swing number, ‘Mack the Knife’ - the last time I heard that sung so well was at Knebworth by Robbie Williams! Sharon of course was biased since he is one of hers, so her comments were bound to be complimentary, and Louis correctly deduced that ’obviously you’ve sung a lot before’, which was confirmed by Matt as he thanked his fellow England team mates, Matt Dawson, Mike Tindall and Danny Grewcock for supporting him in the studio. “I’m always boring them on the rugby buses wherever we go…so it was great to be up here doing it in front of people who actually clap!” But the surprise vote of confidence came from Simon Cowell, “You have shocked me. I loved that. Your choice of song, timing, you can even dance…ish! ...Congratulations!”

Louis warned Chris Moyles following his highly entertaining and excellent rendition of ‘Ain’t That A Kick In The Head’, “Your biggest competition is Matt”, at which point Sharon swiftly pointed out that Chris really shouldn’t try and tackle him, but Chris assured the nation, “I won’t go anywhere near his tackle!”

But in the meantime, the best comment of the show so far was from Sharon Osbourne to Rebecca Loos who was obviously attempting to dress like the stunning sirens from the original 1985 Robert Palmer video, but unfortunately only managed to create the look of a scarlet woman …”If you get through tonight, you should try doing tomorrow’s performance with your knickers on…it might warm up your voice”.

So until the moro my showbiz addicts…Adieu! xxx

Tuesday 30^th May

Well my darlings, last night was interesting…Matt’s main rival, Chris Moyles belted out a very respectable rendition of The Kinks’ ‘You Really Got Me’, and was likened to Robbie Williams by Simon and  Louis [albeit a slightly bigger version], but Simon did insist that it wasn’t as good as yesterday’s performance. As expected, Sharon just gushed about how perfect a performance it was…yes well…not a patch on our Matt!

And then came Michelle [or ‘the who???’] ...and I shall gloss over that I am not interested in lest I bore you to tears. But hold on, my name is not Sharon so I will not be so rude…it was Eternal Flame…and it was a little flat, though loony Louis compared her to Lulu and Sandy Shaw - he really must get his medication changed.

Then came the luscious Chefs! And I know they are terribly painful on the ears, and between them they did completely destroy ‘Volare’ - it was not so much Dean Martin as it was Dean Gaffney - but they are so precious on the eye that I would forgive them anything!

Next came the lovely Lucy who sparkled and indeed improved, but alas not enough for me to get excited. And Dr Poo…well what can I say? It was definitely not in her kiss! Cher would have turned in her grave if she was dead. But she tried bless her!

James & Rebecca really went for it with ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ - and they truly are trying! But she showed a little more voice and a little less flesh, and I did agree with Simon who was surprised that they came back after the slating they got not only from the audience, but from the acid tongue of Mrs Osbourne…and in her own inimitable style she viciously attacked Miss Loos again. And Nikki followed…and it was ‘nice’ but nervous…whatever…

But our young Matt…well he did it for me again…and as the lyrics go, “man, it was a hot one!”  He shimmied and rocked his way through Santana’s ‘Smooth’, encircled by swooning dancers, which obviously made it a little hard to concentrate; he later commented “I’m sorry…Did you see those girls? Oh yeh!” And there was a second night of praise from Simon too, “it wasn’t quite as good as yesterday but still probably one of the best tonight.” And it was more than enough to put him through to Wednesday.

Not that I’m remotely bothered, but it is only polite that I let you know the sing-off was between Michelle & Gillian; fortunately for our sanity, Dr Poo was voted off. However, in a ‘one night only’ opportunity for her, Simon Cowell asked her to come back on the show for the Grand Final to sing ‘Pussycat Dolls’ ‘Don’t Cha’-hmmm….

And the quip of the evening was again from Sharon Osbourne to Gillian McKeith, “You are what you eat and that was a bit like salmonella!”

Ciao my lovelies!  xxx

Wednesday, 31^st May

It’s not yet quite got to the point where it’s hard to decide who should go…up until now there really was no question. They’d all been here a couple of times before, so the nerves should have settled and they should be starting to enjoy themselves…but not at the expense of their singing I’m sure! Lucy Benjamin shouted her way through Pink’s ‘Get This Party Started’, but unfortunately for her, as was succinctly put by Simon Cowell, “the vocals were on par with girls on a hen night!”

Nikki Sanderson looked beautiful and sang beautifully…and there is no more to say. And then came Moylesy…with Louis Armstrong’s moving ‘What A Wonderful World’…with a little twist - an incredible rock version that blew all and sundry away. A very chuffed Chris beamed whilst Simon Cowell told him “on the back of this…you’ve got a hit record.”

I’m not often one to make U-turns but I take it all back about ‘the who?!’ - Michelle’s cover of Alanis Morissette’s ‘Isn’t It Ironic’ was almost flawless. And so followed The Chefs - so scrumptious that you could not begin to give them enough Michelin stars for their aesthetic perfection. But the French rendition of ‘To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before’ was so unbelievably painful that their mentor, Simon said “take this as a badge of honour. That was THE worst performance I have ever heard in my life, but in its own way it was wonderfully horrible!”

My highlight of the evening came next…young Matt spoke of his surprise at the female reaction to him, “to be asked how it feels to be sex symbol…Ha! Ha! Ha!...that’s ridiculous!” His passion and depth moved everyone as he crooned his way through Aerosmith’s ‘I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing’ and he was simply fabulous! Having set himself such high standards with his earlier performances, Simon remarked “under normal circumstances, if I’d met a singer for the first time and they sang that song like that I’d probably say I liked it. However, because it was you, I quite liked it.” And Louis was still sure he’d make it through to the final.

Au revoir mes amis! xxx

Thursday, 1^st June

Finally it’s all getting far more exciting. Those left can mostly sing, and I suppose it is really meant to be a talent show…then again, The Chefs [or as Louis has renamed them, The Kaiser Chefs] don’t really have an in-tune vocal chord between them…but do we care when they look the way they do?

So, to Thursday, and the lovely Nikki Sanderson made a complete hash of ‘I Love Rock N Roll’, and even Britney did a better job than Nikki - ouch! She looked like her make-up artist had snorted too much white stuff, and was so out of tune which was a shame since Miss Sanderson really is very talented - but it has become apparent that this is only true when she is singing something that suits her range. But despite my opinion [and Simon Cowell’s], both Louis and Sharon sat on their alternative planet and spouted some drivel about her being a rock chick.

Moving on swiftly, and Chris Moyles as Bono…of sorts. He sang ‘Beautiful Day’ - but somehow it didn’t quite hit the heights he had previously attained, in my opinion anyway, and frankly, here that’s the only one that counts! Up until now, Chris had always made each song his own…this was a little bland. So thankfully Matt had nothing to worry about yet…and when U2 was followed by James and Rebecca giving the most unique performance of MJ’s ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’, I sat back and relaxed for the rest of the show. The ‘kiss n tells’ were again extremely entertaining, and James’ pelvic thrusting confirmed Sharon’s view of him as a cad, and amusingly Simon Cowell noted “Suddenly, I don’t miss Michael Jackson anymore!”

And then came the stud himself…and he rocked!!! Under the critical eye of his Dad who had flown in from SA to see him perform, Matt’s voice was simply perfect for Otis Redding’s ‘Dock Of The Bay’; he was sexy, seductive and just fabulous...and he even whistled in perfect pitch. Matt had been worried that tonight his bubble may burst - no danger there. Louis loved it, Sharon swooned, convinced that he will be the first sportsman who will successfully break into the music industry, but Louis warned Matt not to sign with Simon, who didn’t think it was spectacular. But Matt wasn’t even slightly phased by Mr Cowell, “Simon’s comments are easy when it comes to my Dad. He’s the most critical man I know.”

Lucy Benjamin looked beautiful [but she is huge for only 3 months!], and elegant, and gave her best performance yet of DC Lee’s ‘See The Day’. And all the judges agreed for once, which finally drove Lucy to find her confidence, “I can’t believe it! I’m staying now!”

Last but absolutely not least…The Kaiser Chefs! Aldo Zilli, who was a very close friend of Freddie Mercury, was convinced that Queen’s frontman was turning in his grave over their portrayal of ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’, but Louis begged to differ, “Freddie would have loved that!” Chef Rankin led the charge - it was brilliant - if you ignored the vocals [but it was a real improvement!] Sharon requested they come back on Friday and perform without their trousers on, and finally some praise from their mentor, Simon Cowell, “…I’m not gonna comment on the vocals. Other than that it was incredible. You three are dancing to one thing, and Jean-Christophe…you’re always dancing to something else.”

With Lucy, the Kaiser Chefs, Matt and Chris comfortably through to Friday, the final sing-off was between James & Rebecca and Nikki Sanderson. So on came Alice Cooper’s daughter, and improved slightly, and the kiss n tells were again highly entertaining. Alas, the amusement factor was eliminated, but fret ye not! Simon insisted they come back for the final…

So here starts the rollercoaster…we have four talented singers and the Kaiser Chefs…let the games begin!!!

Kisses… xxx

Friday, 2^nd June

Oooh I’m so excited! Two shows left to the Grand Final…hot cannot begin describe the atmosphere! And last night felt like the demise of a boy band…5 became 4 in a heartbeat. But I can’t spoil the ending for you…let’s begin at the beguine [that pun was fully intended darlings!] And we were given the pleasure of 2 for the price of 1 as everyone had the chance to show their talents for a second time.

Kaiser schmeiser…these are the Sizzling Chefs! They came on looking like the Rat Pack, and it wasn’t quite a rumba, but the boys did try to rock to the classic Beatles track, ‘Get Back’ - not hugely successfully, though Sharon thought they had “all turned into little rock gods”, and Louis still thought Aldo was a great singer and should ditch the other three…the other three being the good looking ones. Obviously he is now not just off his medication but lost his contact lenses too!

And then Chris Moyles sang Toploader’s ‘Achilles Heel’, and I think it was his. But Sharon decided even though she didn’t like the song, “your performance was very good”, and Simon thought he was better than last night.

Having finally decided that she was enjoying it and wanted to stay, Lucy Benjamin was fantastic with her version of Blondie’s ‘Call Me’. The only fault I could find was that she really could have looked more like the rock chick she was becoming, and all the judges agreed too. And finally our superstar; having received a personal letter from Nelson Mandela wishing him the “best of luck”, Matt was even more determined to do well. It was ‘Nobody Knows’ originally by the Tony Rich Project, and damn…it was simply brilliant! With Dad proudly looking on in the audience, Louis concluded “as the week gets on your getting better and better…And I know women up and down the country love you.” Simon, on the other hand, was slightly reticent, “great song…horrible arrangement. Every night you’re turning in a solid performance. What I’m missing from you is what we saw on the first night which is a moment. This is still too safe.” But luckily there was round two to come yet…

Nikki tried so hard to do justice to Mary Mary’s ‘Shackles’, but it just wasn’t happening for her, and Louis didn’t like the song, and Simon was worried for her, “you started OK but then in the middle went flat. You may have a problem.”

Chris made such a comeback with Tony Christie’s ‘Avenues and Alleyways’, and his shiny grey suit fit the bill perfectly [though someone in make-up went a little overboard with fake tan on the poor chap’s face which looked utterly ridiculous against his pasty white hands!] Simon summed up the mood perfectly, “that was like watching Top Of The Pops in 1974. Absolutely fantastic!” So the competition was hotting up.

Well now, I thought Lucy’s rendition of Roberta Flack’s ‘Killing Me Softly’ was enchanting, which was also how she looked. But the judges were not impressed and generally thought it was just mediocre.

It was Matt’s final chance of the evening to make an impression on the judges, the audience, and the viewers at home, and he was sensational! Opening with the remark “this is for Chris Moyles”, he did every ounce of justice he could to Billy Joel’s ‘Piano Man’…and the result? From Simon, “lot better, a lot lot better. I think we’re gonna see you tomorrow night after that”; from Louis, “You’re a natural performer. Definitely gonna be here tomorrow night”. And when Kate questioned him on why the viewers should get behind him and keep him in, he cheekily retorted “coz tomorrow night I’m really singing a song Simon will like. I promise.”

Once the votes had been counted and verified by an independent adjudicator [oops sorry…I went all Davina there for a moment!], Matt [well of course!], Chris [boo hiss] and Lucy were straight through to Saturday’s show. Poor Nikki had to strain her throat one more time to fight for the last place against the scorching Chefs, but Whitney will never stand up to Dean Martin [especially when Aldo Zilli actually remembers the words!], and sheer entertainment value won over talent as Louis sent her home to rest her voice and wait for the recording contracts to roll in.

And the quote of the evening? Kate Thornton asked Chris Moyles “we’re just two nights away from the final. Is that what you’ve got your eye on now Chris?”

“At the moment I’ve got my eye on the bar.” A man after my own heart…and make mine a Bolly darling!

Cheerio my lovelies xxx

Saturday, 3^rd June

“It’s down to the last four and I want to win it” was Matt Stevens’ comment as Saturday’s show kicked off with Van Morrison’s classic hit ‘Moondance’. He lightly tripped onto the stage and gave one of his best performances yet, optimising his powerhouse of a voice, oozing sex appeal with every sway…ooh I think I might need a cold shower just reliving it in my mind! He did promise to sing something Simon would like, so the verdict…”personality, great song choice…a little stiff…until the end part of the song where you loosened up…and it sounded to me you hit the right note at the end as well. Well done!” Louis saw Matt as “the dark horse of the competition”, and Sharon…”I want to see the action you’ve got when you’ve got that big ball in your hand running across that field. I can’t wait. If your half as good as that as you are at singing, you’re a star!” Spot on darling - but we already knew that.

Next up, the Sizzling Chefs really had worked hard - they sounded infinitely better than previously, and looked like they were taking the competition very seriously now. They crooned uniquely through Frankie Valli’s ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’, and Aldo finished by serenading Sharon and romantically tossing a hanky in her direction [at least I hope it was a handkerchief!] And Sharon approved, “I think that was your best song to date. And you did sing some parts in tune!” Louis, on the other hand was not so complimentary, “I’m not so sure I did the right thing saving you last night guys. That was like four drunks at a wedding!” to which Jean-Christophe shot back “You’re banned from my pub!”

Then came the inimitable Chris Moyles, and I’m sure with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek, he sang Shane Ward’s ‘That’s My Goal’. The first line of the chorus is ‘I'm not here to say I'm sorry’,  but I thought he should apologise for a pretty uninspired performance. Now, of course Sharon disagreed with my opinion, “Shane? Shane, you’ve put on weight - what’s he been feeding you? I think ITV should give you your own show Chris!” Please no! There is a reason he’s on the radio - he has the perfect face for it! Simon, on the other hand, got it right, “it was like the movie ‘Back To The Future’. It was Shane Ward in thirty years time after a hangover belting out his hit.”

Moving on swiftly, and Lucy Benjamin...what can I say?! Her version of Alicia Keys’ ‘If I Ain’t Got You’ was summed up perfectly by Simon, “I’ve heard that song murdered since I’ve been on this show more than any other song. That wasn’t…Round one - you won it.”

And so returned our stud-muffin with the Eagles’ ‘Desperado’ and he so nailed it perfectly! And the result was “You’re a great all round singer, very versatile. I think you have to be back tomorrow night” from Louis. And Simon concurred, “I’ve gotta be honest with you. If we’re gonna base this on singing I have to agree with Louis. You have to be back tomorrow.” Then came Sharon…but it was all about a hot tub… “could we tell everyone about your hot tub? He got busted today Kate for his hot tub,” at which point a very embarrassed Matt answered “Sharon thought I was really innocent, so she thought a hot tub was not in the likening for my home.” But since this explained nothing, Sharon elaborated, “It’s his pick-up line - ‘come and try out my hot tub’!”  So remember that ladies…but don’t visualise it in your mind too much or you too could be hurling yourself into the nearest cool stream to cope

Oh the Chefs...they were doing so well! And then they tried to live ‘La Vida Loca’, but they died and went to hell. There was very little singing, quite a lot of shouting [and growling from Aldo], and a little forgetting of the words too, and everyone reluctantly agreed that it was time for them to go home. Sharon concluded “I must say, you guys make Chico sound like Pavarotti!”

Almost there, and Chris arrived…with a full gospel choir…in an exceedingly white jacket…and redeemed himself [well in my eyes anyway]. Elvis’ ‘Burning Love’ was stupendous and enthralling, and even more so as he serenaded Simon Cowell with “I’m a hunk of burning love” in very close proximity. And Simon was taken by it too, “Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Moyles is in the building!” Chris then reminded the judges of their promises to him if he got a great reaction from the audience, “ Simon said…’I’ll buy you a Ferrari’, and Sharon said she’d sleep with me.” Well what did Louis promise then? “The same thing.”

Finally, it was Lucy’s turn, and she had it going on! The look, the dancers, the production…all came together perfectly for Emma Bunton’s ‘Maybe’, and it was praises all round. Sharon claimed never to have heard the song before but said Lucy “made it so cute”, and Simon agreed it was “a brilliant overall performance”.

So this is where it could all have gone so wrong…but it didn’t, and the Chefs were out of the running. There we have it - Sunday night sees Matt, Chris & Lucy in the semi-finals and I’m sure it will be an exceedingly nail-biting event, so make sure you’re glued to your TV with the correct number stored in your speed dial for Matt!

And most encouragingly, when the losers were asked who they wanted to win as they left the show all week, Michelle, Nikki and the Chefs all gave their resounding support to Mr Stevens too!

Until tomorrow honeys…

yours in eager anticipation…

Ruby xx 

 

Sunday, 4^th June

Well I’m sure you know the outcome already, but here’s my run down of last night’s shenanigans…the semi finals. And for Chris Moyles, Lucy Benjamin and Matt Stevens there was EVERYTHING to play for!

It all began with little Chris singing Otis Redding’s ‘Too Hard to Handle’ - but he obviously wasn’t! He attempted the Tom Jones version really, and he did these cutesy little dance moves, and really played up to the audience. But in my opinion, his voice was strained, and he wasn’t nearly as good as Saturday night. Louis labelled him a “born entertainer”, and Sharon loved his Freddie Mercury microphone, though she did think he could do with “a couple more inches!”

And Simon, well, “I’m impartial tonight. I don’t think anyone’s certain…You bring a sense of fun. You have my vote for the final” which was very positive; but he hadn’t heard the others yet!

Someone really ought to explain to Louis that a very large proportion of women in the world manage to get pregnant and it is not a miracle in itself! But let me get off my soapbox for a moment…Sharon thought she was “living proof that women are the stronger sex…” blah, blah, blah…OK - I apologise but I have to get back on it again - the female of the species are fantastic, wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, and equal to any other human species…but we know that already…and these chaps seem to be turning it into a bizarre battle of I don’t know what really - the girl is pregnant - not ill! Simon, on the other hand, was simply Simon…”I’m not a woman but I’d vote for you.”

And round one ended with magnificent Matt [who by the way is not just having to learn two songs and prance about with tantalising ladies on stage all day, but is multi-tasking by studying for his finals at uni too! Not just a pretty face you know!] He very seductively sang ‘I Got  A Woman’ by Ray Charles, but interluded it with Kanye West’s ‘Gold Digger’ and it was hot! hot! hot! The girls gyrated around the stage, and him - the choreography was spot on and generally it was an excellent performance. And Louis agreed, “I think you’re gonna be the envy of all your rugby pals with all the girls dancing round you. You deserve to be on the stage.”

Sharon was concerned, “I was a bit worried at the beginning of the song but you pulled it round. Great. Perfect. Well done.” And then Simon began “Matt, I think it worked. I didn’t like the middle part. I didn’t know what was going on…” which had the audience in stitches, and Kate Thornton explained what it was, and Louis interjected “It’s modern music Simon. This is what people listen to nowadays!” Once everyone had recovered from Simon’s ignorance, Simon continued “I can’t judge this like a normal singing competition. Let’s call round one a draw.”

So Chris Moyles got his final chance to impress…and he chose Oasis’ ‘Wonderwall’, and it was so flat, and boring, and had no personality. And even his attempts at getting the audience to join in to cover the mundanity of it all failed miserably. But Louis thought it was amazing, “another great performance.” Yeh right! Sharon mentioned in rehearsals it sounded awful as he was all out of tune but of course he was just winding everyone up - Chris insisted it was no wind up, but Sharon liked it. Only Simon appeared to hear what I heard…”I’ve never really heard that song sung brilliantly. You just did what every guy in England would love to do…In the real world it would have been horrible, but tonight it was charming.” Of course Moylesy couldn’t let that pass, “He’s wrong when he said it’s horrible coz we are in the real world and it was charming and brilliant. I’m only saying that coz I’m still waiting for the Ferrari”, “and sex from Sharon” added Kate, “no… that’s fine. There was a commercial break back then and…twice!”

So following all that jaunting around, Lucy returned to completely stun everyone with Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’. It was perfect, and she looked perfect in a smashing red dress, but Louis had again mentioned the ‘P’ word for the zillionth time. Everyone loved it, but Simon needed to clarify a point, “Can I follow one thing up? Are you pregnant? Louis hasn’t broadcast it enough,” but then he continued, “overall much stronger than your first performance so well done.”

Sharon introduced Matt for the final time that evening, “I want you all to take into consideration that this gentleman is pregnant.” Well, what more can I say…good on you Sharon! And Matt tried to explain the bizarre experience he was having right now, “a couple of months ago I was running around a rugby field getting my head stood on, and now I’m going out singing in front of millions of people. It’s completely insane!” And in his navy pinstripe suit and white open-collar shirt, he performed ‘She’s The One’ by a certain Mr Robert Peter Williams. His masculinity and strength poured out of his every word, and had this aura of total confidence, and he was THE best. Louis praised him with ”that was a great performance. You haven’t done one bad performance so far this series…Robbie would approve of that.”

Sharon labelled it the best performance of the night, and Simon agreed, “that was the best performance of the final round. My only criticism to you, and the other two actually, is the big danger of making it karaoke when you sing those kind of songs…but that was the best performance.” Matt was prepared, “Simon, I’m just glad you knew who actually sang that song!” Though Simon was right, it was now time for the finalists to up their game to the next level.

And then X Factor had taken their cameras round to all and sundry to get the celebrity opinion on who should win, and [naturally] there was overwhelming support for Matt from Eamonn Holmes, Gabby Logan, Anthony Cotton & Jenny McAlpine [Corrie’s Sean and Fizz], and a small contingent of the England Rugby Squad on a beach in Australia.

Finally the crucial moment, and through to the Grand Final was Lucy Benjamin and……Matt Stevens!!!! Chris’ face was shock and horror, and Matt’s was complete shock, as was Simon’s, and I’m not really quite sure how but Sharon ended up in a crumpled heap on the floor! Obviously not quite what everyone expected [though I was secretly hoping it would be Lucy and not Chris who got through with Matt]!

And I think I should leave you with Chris’ gracious losing words, “ thanks to …my mentor Louis…just not good enough…he’s lost his touch”, and when asked who he would like to win it, “Well I wanted to win it. So now I couldn’t care less.” And later he continued, “Kate started to say 'Matt' and I thought she was joking. I'm gobsmacked. No offence to Matt...the little git. I still can't believe I'm out. I'm glad I didn't put any money on me.” Nice to see he’s such a sporting chap, eh?!

So, here we are…Monday, 5^th June…Grand Final Day…and need I repeat it again…pop on ITV1 at 9pm, put your feet up, crack open a bottle of fizz, and text VOTE MATT to 83322 from 9.15pm to around 10.15pm this evening - repeatedly of course. And phone and email and text all your friends, loved ones and enemies to do the same to make sure that Matt wins!

Yours…always…Ruby G xxx

Monday, 5^th June 

Well I don’t know about you but I hadn’t been so nervous about anything for a very long time! And the show started in a pretty no nonsense fashion. On came the judges and we launched straight into Sharon [who looked quite spectacular in her Romanesque outfit] introducing Matt…

“When Lucy’s name was announced…I said to Matt ‘we’re out, let’s go.’” Now that was a vote of no confidence if ever I heard one, and she continued “Matt to me was always a long shot” - and no, that wasn’t from the Lucy Benjamin’s appreciation society but from Matt’s mentor! Matt on the other hand was far more upbeat, “I still can’t believe it. Lucy’s come a long way and is singing really beautifully…but I’m gonna go out there tonight and sing my heart out.“

In a real Vegas-style production, Matt tackled Frank Sinatra’s ‘New York New York’, and it was right on the money. There was not a hint of karaoke, just a strong, powerful belting performance, and again he was accompanied by the dancers, and the show looked like Broadway glamour! Louis started off the commentary with “…you’ve turned into an unbelievable performer…the styling was great, the song was great. A big guy singing a big song. Well done!” Sharon then realised who side she was supposed to be on, “you did me proud…you’re one hell of a man. You’re ALL man!” But alas, Simon, “one part of me goes you entertained us. The rational part of my brain goes that was rather like a pub singer who’s found himself in Las Vegas…It’s just this dancing and choreography”, so Sharon had to explain “we’re trying to entertain Simon, and so we’re trying to open the show with something spectacular…we want the viewers to be interested so they don’t change the channel!” So once he’d got the point Simon concluded “It was a big effort…they loved it in here!”  And Matt’s response was super, “for one moment in my life, even though I’m not Frank Sinatra, I felt like Frank Sinatra,” and he left the stage to rapturous applause and a standing ovation.

And then it was Lucy’s turn, and she arrived in a Madonna-esque [Hyde Park, Live 8 - so last year!] white waistcoat and trouser suit [but honey, black bra - not a good look!]. Anyway, back to the point, and she warbled Donna Summer’s ‘Last Dance’. It was OK I suppose, a bit flat and non-descript; her passion was definitely not matched by quality of voice, and she couldn’t even hold the last note in key.

 But of course the judges disagreed with me…Louis simply had to say “brilliant brilliant performance!”, and Sharon “Lucy Loo you owned that stage. You were just brilliant!”, and finally Simon, “since I rescued you from elimination half way through the competition I feel like I have become your mentor…Round one to Lucy.”  Were we watching the same performance? Lucy added “I feel like I’ve gone back to day one again with the nerves…” and I felt like she’d gone back to day one with the singing! And then she carried on…and on…and on… “Lucy! You’re babbling!” remarked Simon.For our first interlude, we were treated to the judges Top 5 ‘Worst Of The Lot’ from the previous 7 days, and it really was quite horrid…but funny!:

5          Paul Daniels & Debbie McGee’s annihilation of RW’s ‘Let Me Entertain You’, and comments went something like this, “vocals were horrific”, “that was car crash telly”, “I think it was vaudeville” and best of all, “like Van Morrison and a Barbie doll doing karaoke.”

4          Gillian McKeith’s destruction of Cher’s ‘It’s In His Kiss’ - “absolutely atrocious!”, “bizarre…somewhat frightening”, “almost became in-human” and “100% wrong.”

3          James Hewitt & Rebecca Loos’ assassination of Robbie’s ‘Rock DJ’ - “can’t sing, can’t dance”, “forgot the words…looked out of place”, and you have to imagine Simon doing an impression of Prince Charles, “It’s the accent, laa di di daa di di daa. Definitely in my top five!”

2          Gillian McKeith’s demolition of Muddy Waters’ 'I Just Wanna Make Love To You' - “like something you’d see in a star wars bar”, “if I didn’t know you I would’ve thought you were drunk”, “I don’t think Gillian McKeith should sing.”

1          The Chefs’ obliteration of Willie Nelson’s ‘To All The Girls’ - “overall the worst performance ever…in my life”, “can’t sing a note”, “Jean-Christophe murdered the song” and finally “it doesn’t get any worse than that!”

And then came the ‘treat’ of the evening - the X Factor ex’s performed a group number…very badly. They were all back in their full glory; the Chefs looked sexy in black suits, and Debbie McGee looked like a 60 year old Barbie doll with too much surgery, and Chris Moyles arrived wearing a Simon Cowell face mask. If it wasn’t for Nikki Sanderson and Michelle Marsh, who really can both sing quite well indeed, I’m sure that every glass in every home tuned in would have shattered!

And more amusingly, they sang a medley of the Coca-Cola commercial song, ‘I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing’ and Abba’s ‘Thank You For The Music’, and together it all sounded like a really awful Christmas carol.

Returning to the music, and Matt swept onto stage for the very last time, dressed in a grey/black pinstripe suit and grey shirt and tie looking very suave; this time there were no gimmicks, no dancing girls, just pure sophistication. And he sang…his favourite Sinatra track…’Mack The Knife’…and it was just perfection personified. Matt was good to start with, but over the past 7 days he progressed to the point where he is now the consumate performer. And for once we were all in agreement: “What can I say? You didn’t just sing that song, you performed it here. I loved the little dance and all that…everybody loves you here…but I still want my little girl to win”, and I think you can guess which judge that was.Sharon’s verdict was “Matt, just superb…nobody knew who you were - unless you’re into rugby - and you’ve proven to everyone how great a singer you are! And I think I am gonna go to my first rugby match to see you. I’m gonna be a rugby groupie!”

 Well, god forbid! I think between the wives, grilfriends…and me of course, there’s enough glitz, glamour and bling to keep the Rec lit up; if Sharon turned up, it would have to be a match at the Millenium Stadium with the roof closed so that her bling didn’t blind the UFOs! And last, but by no means least, there was Simon, “so…you sang one of my favourite songs of all time…I didn’t like it…I loved it! I’ve given you a bit of a hard time, but I have to say, because there are a lot of whining celebrities in life…everytime backstage you’ve shaken my hand; you’ve behaved like a gentleman, and it’s been my pleasure to have you on the show.” And every word so true, but if these chaps ever got away from their multi-millionaire football-following lifestyles, they’d realise that ALL professional rugby players are true gentlemen. But of course you knew that already! And Matt had something to say too, “It’s been a great show whatever happens, thanks for voting me in this far…thanks to the dancers - they’ve been amazing! …(thanks) to Mark Hudson and Yvie…” at which point Simon had to interject, “Matt you’re babbling now!”

Finally - the end of the compeition was nigh, and Louis introduced Lucy for the last time, “as an actress, she’s beaten off an awful lot of hard men. Can she beat off another tonight?” She looked very pretty in a black satin halterneck dress, and her singing improved too - very little warbling - but she did begin to shout the chorus of DC Lee’s ‘See The Day’. This performance was nowhere near perfection, and she would have been hopeless without the backing singers. But for the last time, the judges heard something different to me - maybe my surround sound home cinema system is defective? Or maybe they were all wearing rose-tinted lenses…”Another perfect performance” said Louis, “you deserve to win so much.” Sharon carried on a bit about babies and singing and Christmas and…excuse me while I have a quick nap…and Simon spewed some nonsense about his dilemma of judging the contestant as a celebrity or a singer, “tonight I’m gonna judge you as a singer. That was outstanding.” Kate noted “this is fast turning into a makeover show! We’ve madeLucy over from a nervous actress to, Simon says, a professional singer in just seven days. What on earth do you say to that (Lucy)?”, “That’s ridiculous!” And I concur! Matt was a singer before he got there, and Lucy had to learn and managed to do quite well most of the time, but as the judges had repeatedly said throughout the competition, Matt had consistently performed brilliantly the entire time!

And at this point a spot check was taken on the voting, and there was only 4% in it! The tension was mounting to such a degree it was as if a volcano was about to erupt. The cameras were taken backstage to see how the contestants were coping, and obviously nerves were rife, but when asked what was Matt’s highlight of the week, he answered “I’m the luckiest man alive - sharing a dressing room with Nikki Sanderson and Michelle Marsh! Then I moved onto Chris Moyles…” And there was a lovely clip of Matt coming off stage on Sunday night, and all his dancing girls smothered and hugged him, which he named the “best part of the show!”

Then came recordings of support from friends and family, and here’s what Matt received:

“Don’t worry. They’ll be no stick for you!” Matt Dawson, retired England captain

“All the best mate. Make sure you win it!” Pat Sanderson, current Enlgand captain

“You’ve got the heart of a lion so go and knock them dead!” James Hewitt & Rebecca Loos

“I know you’re gonna do absolutely brilliant tonight!” Nikki Sanderson

“This week’s been absolutely enchanting…I just know you can win this competition!” Russell Stevens, Dad

Of course they did the same with Lucy, but I wouldn’t want to bore you with praise for her from Chris Moyles, so moving swiftly on…Mr Shane Ward…  He performed his new single, ‘Stand By Me’, and now I have to make a confession…I didn’t know who he was! I actually don’t watch reality TV - I mean with the number of social occasions I have to attend , who would have time to watch such triviality? I also did not recognise his song, ‘That’s My Goal’ that Chris Moyles sang the other day…well its not classic music like Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra now is it?! Alas, I can no longer claim to be an X Factor virgin [or any other kind either - but that’s another story!] - but all good things have to come to an end…and this was also the case for the show.

Sharon and Louis returned to the stage with Matt & Lucy. And the winner was announced… Lucy Benjamin! Shock horror!  A travesty of justice! But congratulations to her anyway… And as ever Matt was the consumate gentleman, “I was happy to be here. A little bit disappointed. But really happy for Lucy.”

And later on on the Xtra Factor, hosted by Ben Shephard [who may I tell you, has also been known to run out for the odd rugby club, as I have it good authority he played for the Cowan XV invitational side against Boston 1^st XV with some rugby acquaintances of mine not so long ago], Matt was a fantastic ambassador for rugby. When asked how he was feeling, he replied “feeling good. I’m really happy for all the charities we’ve represented and I think we’ve done a good job. Thanks a lot to all of you for coming.” Well what an incredibly selfless gentleman, though I’m still convinced that if Matt had chosen an English charity, like maybe the Wooden Spoon for whom he is an Honorary President of the Hampshire region [!], he may have got more support. Okay…I’m now digging deep for excuses!

Later, Ben asked Sharon about Matt not coming out on top, to which she answered “he has. Because he came here to raise money for charity.” And I think he did that most admirably…so on that positive note my darlings I shall love and leave you…and I promise to return for you next year if by any chance we have another secret crooner in our rugby fraternity who dares to put himself in the limelight.

So well done Matt! You were fantastic! Untouchable! The best! Incredibly sexy! And you should have won!

Once I have recovered from the tragedy of the century, normal Ruby G rugby service will resume next week, when I will be bringing you all the latest from the end of the domestic season, what’s been going on across the waters, and updates on our boys on tour across the globe…so make sure you pop in for your fix…

Ruby G…with love xxx

Photographs Courtesy Of ITV