To Haka or not to Haka!

So, here we go again…another England v New Zealand standoff at Fortress Twickenham. They’ve massacred the Welsh and Irish by 38 points a piece, and are surely relishing the challenge of scoring a hat trick. But before we get to the blood, sweat and passion of the game, there will be the traditional Maori laying down of the gauntlet, the display of a united front to intimidate their opponents using the story of ultimate survival.

The haka was first performed and popularised in Britain on 18 November 1905, when the All Black touring side were about to kick off against Scotland at Murrayfield, and went on to win by 5 points [final score 7 - 12]. During the 1924/25 tour of Britain, there was some misunderstanding about the haka. In his tour book, lock Read Masters reported; “The day of our arrival in England the following translation appeared in big type in some of the newspapers: ‘Now we are in England feed us, feed us! Or we will tear you! tear you! tear you!’ Although some girls in London treated the matter as a joke, and sent several of us packets of biscuits, stating thatthey were quite prepared to feed us, as long as we did not tear them to pieces! There is not the slightest doubt that this misinterpretation had the effect of prejudicing some people against our Haka, which was resented in some quarters.”

Back to the present day, and a mystery surrounds Saturday’s haka. According to sources within the All Blacks’ camp, there is possibility that they will be performing the new haka, Kapa O Pango which is more specific to the rugby team than Ka Mate, referring to the warriors in black and the silver fern.

A year in creation, this haka was first performed publicly in August of this year before the Tri-Nations game against South Africa in Dunedin, and is being practised twice a week by the squad. But this has not always been the case. During the All Blacks tour of British Isles, France and North America of the 1950s, there was no Maori representative to lead the haka, and far from the well-rehearsed performance with meticulous attention to detail of the current haka, the result was more like a rendition of pat-a-cake! The Kapa O Pango culminates in a more aggressive climax, with each player performing a throatslitting action directed at the opposing team, and it has been said will be performed only on special occasions. So is this occasion special enough?

In the past, there have been various retorts, including Wallabies  legend David Campese, who used to practice his place kicks during the Haka, English hooker Richard Cockerill eyeballed Norm Hewitt as he led the haka at Manchester in 1997, and there was the almost surreal performance of Willie Anderson’s Ireland team in 1989. As Buck Shelford led the Haka, Willie led his team with fellow Ulsterman Dave Irwin to the fore in advancing, arms interlinked, chanting ‘attack, attack, attack’

towards the Blacks until several players were nose to nose screaming at each other. When the Haka was over, the Irish team then turned to the home crowd raised their arms and whipped them into a frenzy. Afterwards Shelford was quoted as saying that the Haka was a challenge and the Irish had shown they were accepting the challenge. Unfortunately, the response from Brian O’Driscoll was not so gracefully accepted at the start of the first Test of the British and Irish Lions Tour 2005 against New Zealand, when on advice from a Maori elder, he stepped forward “as warrior chief” by plucking a blade of grass (along with the “youngest warrior” Dwayne Peel) to accept the challenge from “their chief” Umaga, and at the finish threw the grass in the air. And, as protocol demanded, he tried to maintain eye contact at all time.

And what will be the response from the boys in white this time?

There are the obvious suggestions of …

He which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart; his passport shall be made and crowns for convoy put into his purse: We would not die in that man’s company that fears his fellowship to die with us . . . And gentlemen in England now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day . . .

You have come to fight as free men and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? Aye, fight and you may die, run and you will live. At least a while, and die in your beds many years from now. Would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance? Just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our freedom . . .

William Wallace, Stirling Bridge, 1297

Not quite as eloquent as Shakespeare, but the most amusing by far has got to be from the legend that is Fran Cotton [Otley, Yorkshire 1979]:

“Look at the big poofs dancing . . .”